About a Girl: Die, Die My Darling

I was listening to Die, Die My Darling the Metallica version on my way to pick up my daughter from Day-care. Even though it’s Monday and she would normally go with her dad, he’s a loser who just lost his job. Hopefully, his absence is a sign that he is indeed getting rehired somewhere and will be making money soon. Then perhaps he can pay me the child support he owes since January and the daycare that he didn’t pay last week. Honestly, there’s only so much I can do. I’m not Wonder Woman you know.

Now, I’m not being totally fair. Yes, he’s ALWAYS late on his child support payments but at least he does eventually make them. I know people who’ve had their drivers’ licenses suspended due to failure to pay. Then they want to bitch “Oh, but how am I suppose to get to work if I can’t drive?” Yeah, should’ve thought of that before asshole. Anyway, they can’t get my ex like that anyway seeing as how he has no frucking license to begwin with. That was suspended years ago only god knows why. I’d write it here, but who know’s if it’s true. Once a liar, always seen as a liar.

They have classes in child care and economics in high school. Personally, I believe they should combine these two classes. If a guy had any idea whatsoever how much money he has to pay in child support if he knocks some girl up, there will be an increase in the sales of condoms. It’s roughly about 22% of your paycheck depending, I think, on where you live and how many kids you had with this woman and how many other kids you have spread out. So, men, I want you right now to think how much your new girlfriend is going to love that 22% going to your ex-lover and not to her.

And women, I recommend you take every fucking red cent of that too. Let’s say, you’re a well off woman and you actually don’t need his stinking money to support your child. Take it anyway. It’s not your money it’s your kids money. Save it in bank account for their college fund, their first car, their backpacking around Europe. It’s their money save it for them.

I also recommend that you don’t depend on this money whatsoever. They might suddenly dissapear. And since it takes about 7 years before they can legally be declared dead, that’s 7 years you have to go without. Don’t depend on these jerks. Stand on your own two feet and show them that you’re world is just fine without them. The best revenge is living well.

I seem to put so much effort into accomodating his visitation rights. Some people tell me I shouldn’t bother. Sometimes I feel that way too. I should just say fuck it all to hell and move to Colorado where my best friend is. That way my ex can visit our daughter whenever he wants, and can fly to Colorado. Technically, my best friend use to be his best friend. I didn’t steal him away or anything, my ex is just that big of a jerk.

He’s literally the bane of my existance. But that’s what happens when your young and fancy yourself in love, too naive to realize that the horrible way he’s treating you isn’t normal and isn’t part of compromise. But simply his unappreciation.

I blame part of that on my own observations of my parents, whom were never married, at least not to each other. My dad might or might not be married to that lady he lives with, I’m not sure and I don’t care enough to ask. My mom never married. When dad would come to visit all those 5-6 days of the year, he slept in the bed with my mom. I never thought much of it at the time, but now I see how this was just a part of something wrong that was planted in my subconsious.

If my mother had any sense at all she would not have let my father in her bed. Then man dumped her at the hospital when she was in labor with me and left for New Jersey. How much more of an asshole can you be? So, here I am, all but less than 10 years old and watching my mother be so accepting of such an enormous bastard. Now I love and respect my mother, she’s the strongest woman I know. But, I have never been able to understand this one weakness.

That was years ago. It stopped occuring sometime when I became a teenager. Perhaps I learned from it even though it might have taken my mother years to do so. I have never wanted my ex back since the day I had to throw him and his drunken buddies out of our apartment became they were being loud and not letting my sick baby sleep. And I hope my eyes always remain open to his true character.

It’s not that I hate the guuy. I kind of see him now the same way I see my dad. I don’t hate him, but I don’t love him. I nod and mmm-hmm and pretend to be generally paying attention to what he’s saying. Sometimes he gets on my nerves, but mostly he makes me laugh at his own folly. I am stronger than he is, and that’s what gets on his last nerve.

I was thinking of changing the ringtone on my phone for him. Right now it’s Kelly Clarkson’s Since you been Gone which is very appropriate. But I was hoping to get either version of Die Die My Darling. I can’t help it. My rising sign is a Scorpio. And nobody, but nobody, fucks with a Scorpio without getting repeadly stung for the rest of their lives.

“And now your life drains on the floor
Dont cry to me oh baby
Die, die, die my darling”

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