Today is Sunday which means I have to go back to work tomorrow. I would say that I just want to stay in that place where I go when I’m reading. That’s a nice place. But I can’t live there unless I officially went insane and I don’t want that either.
I wasn’t kidding when I said on a myspace bulletin that I wake up and go to bed miserable. Well, that’s not exactly true. It’s more like along the day I take stock of myself and my life and I feel miserable at that moment. Until something comes along and distracts me. I felt miserable this morning and then I had a pretty good day. And then tonight I remembered that i have to go to work tomorrow so I felt miserable some more.
By miserable I mean I feel like I’m choking on my own heart.
I went to a bachelorette party on Saturday night and I had the most amazing time. And then as I was driving back home I had one of those assessment moments. It is time to get back to my miserable life. I was driving back to the sofa that awaited me.
I thought I wanted so little out of life, it’s so sad that I couldn’t even get the little I wanted. I know I’m technically still young, and I know that I look really young, but I just thought I would’ve done more in the past ten years.
One step forward, Two steps back.
“-I am anti-life, the beast of judgement. I am the dark at the end of everything. The end of universes, gods, worlds… of everything. And what will you be then, Dreamlord?
– I am hope.”
/Choronzon and Dream, playing the oldest game, in Preludes and Nocturnes.