What’s a false move? Is it very different from a real one?

Today is Sunday which means I have to go back to work tomorrow. I would say that I just want to stay in that place where I go when I’m reading. That’s a nice place. But I can’t live there unless I officially went insane and I don’t want that either.

I wasn’t kidding when I said on a myspace bulletin that I wake up and go to bed miserable. Well, that’s not exactly true. It’s more like along the day I take stock of myself and my life and I feel miserable at that moment. Until something comes along and distracts me. I felt miserable this morning and then I had a pretty good day. And then tonight I remembered that i have to go to work tomorrow so I felt miserable some more.

By miserable I mean I feel like I’m choking on my own heart.

I went to a bachelorette party on Saturday night and I had the most amazing time. And then as I was driving back home I had one of those assessment moments. It is time to get back to my miserable life. I was driving back to the sofa that awaited me.

I thought I wanted so little out of life, it’s so sad that I couldn’t even get the little I wanted. I know I’m technically still young, and I know that I look really young, but I just thought I would’ve done more in the past ten years.

One step forward, Two steps back.

“-I am anti-life, the beast of judgement. I am the dark at the end of everything. The end of universes, gods, worlds… of everything. And what will you be then, Dreamlord?
– I am hope.”
/Choronzon and Dream, playing the oldest game, in Preludes and Nocturnes.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s