Yesterday I was walking back from lunch with a friend of mine. I was talking about what I was going to do this weekend, namely who, and she said I was wasting my time with this guy. And I told her that until I find a new job and move all I’m doing is wasting time. She believes hanging with this guy is keeping me from finding anyone I could be in a meaningful relationship with. Well, duh. That’s kind of the point. I don’t want to possibly meet someone and then have to alter or think about altering my plans. This is my time now, and I don’t want anything else holding me back.
I don’t think she fully understands that when I say I don’t want to get involved seriously with someone, I mean it. I mean it as in possibly for the rest of my life ever. I tried to be silly about it and say why would I date some random guy when Jason Newsted is out there. And I mean, duh, I’m not going to marry Jason Newsted she didn’t have to say it like I’m some deluded groupie. Groupie, maybe, but not deluded.
So I had to make a blog about what exactly I know and mean with my Jason Newsted obsession.
I focus on fantasy men on purpose. No guy is going to live up to the fantasy and I don’t want to give up the fantasy. I like it this way. I understand that in real life, even if they were attracted to me, odds are we wouldn’t be right for each other. I have better odds of winning the lottery.
Having said that, I don’t want to meet “some guy”. For what? I mean, I don’t want to say “never”. Maybe when I finally get a new job and move and settle down I’ll meet “some guy” and fall in love or whatever. But I’m thinking right now that I may not want to do that even then.
Let’s face it, statistically it won’t end well. And yeah, it’s better to have loved and lost than blah, blah, blah. Whatever. That’s just not what I want. It might never be what I want.
She said I was just afraid of being in a relationship and that I shouldn’t be so pessimistic about them and don’t I want to set a good example for my daughter? Do I want her to turn out a bitter old lady like my mother, aunt, and grandmother?
Where the fuck does she get off saying that to me? I’m not avoiding relationships out of fear, I’m avoiding them to avoid the hassle. I’ve weighted both sides, experienced both, and I’m happier on this side.
Man, I didn’t realize how pissed I was. Now that I’ve written it down I see what really pissed me of about the whole conversation. Her calling me a coward, implying I was somehow damaging my child, and insulting my mother and grandmother.
I understand. It’s okay. And next time she complains to me about her man I’m just going to tell her to dump his ass cause everyone thinks he’s gay anyway.
I’m just being honest. 🙂
My boys keep me warm at night.