I’d rather be with the band

Yesterday I was walking back from lunch with a friend of mine. I was talking about what I was going to do this weekend, namely who, and she said I was wasting my time with this guy. And I told her that until I find a new job and move all I’m doing is wasting time. She believes hanging with this guy is keeping me from finding anyone I could be in a meaningful relationship with. Well, duh. That’s kind of the point. I don’t want to possibly meet someone and then have to alter or think about altering my plans. This is my time now, and I don’t want anything else holding me back.

I don’t think she fully understands that when I say I don’t want to get involved seriously with someone, I mean it. I mean it as in possibly for the rest of my life ever. I tried to be silly about it and say why would I date some random guy when Jason Newsted is out there. And I mean, duh, I’m not going to marry Jason Newsted she didn’t have to say it like I’m some deluded groupie. Groupie, maybe, but not deluded.

So I had to make a blog about what exactly I know and mean with my Jason Newsted obsession.

I focus on fantasy men on purpose. No guy is going to live up to the fantasy and I don’t want to give up the fantasy. I like it this way. I understand that in real life, even if they were attracted to me, odds are we wouldn’t be right for each other. I have better odds of winning the lottery.

Having said that, I don’t want to meet “some guy”. For what? I mean, I don’t want to say “never”. Maybe when I finally get a new job and move and settle down I’ll meet “some guy” and fall in love or whatever. But I’m thinking right now that I may not want to do that even then.

Let’s face it, statistically it won’t end well. And yeah, it’s better to have loved and lost than blah, blah, blah. Whatever. That’s just not what I want. It might never be what I want.

She said I was just afraid of being in a relationship and that I shouldn’t be so pessimistic about them and don’t I want to set a good example for my daughter? Do I want her to turn out a bitter old lady like my mother, aunt, and grandmother?

Where the fuck does she get off saying that to me? I’m not avoiding relationships out of fear, I’m avoiding them to avoid the hassle. I’ve weighted both sides, experienced both, and I’m happier on this side.

Man, I didn’t realize how pissed I was. Now that I’ve written it down I see what really pissed me of about the whole conversation. Her calling me a coward, implying I was somehow damaging my child, and insulting my mother and grandmother.

I understand. It’s okay. And next time she complains to me about her man I’m just going to tell her to dump his ass cause everyone thinks he’s gay anyway.

I’m just being honest. 🙂

My boys keep me warm at night.

2 responses to “I’d rather be with the band

  • pocket_ft

    I think I can understand what you say to some degree.. I can’t explain very well but it’s like I want to reserve the central part of my mind for something else, somebody else so I keep anyone from being in there. Maybe it’s simply called fantasy, which may be blurring my vision, and I know it wouldn’t come true, and I’m not trying to make it come true either.
    I wish things wouldn’t have gone this way concerning Metallica. Wish I could go back in time when Jason was still in the band (hopefully in Loads era without Bob Rock :D), I just love to see him acknowledged more, and respected particularly by James. I wish things would work between them in some time, not just let past things past. It’s not that I want him to be back in the current Metallica.

    • vinrodriguez

      Yeah, I’m not trying to make anything come true. I’m not moving to California or Finland or Pennsylvania. I’m just living my life.
      The Metallica thing… it’s just that they were my favorite band. I was very invested in it. I went to every show and Jason was always my fave part because it was obvious he loved it so much. So yeah it burns. And yeah it’s been seven years, but since Metallica started doing their 2nd album without him, I couldn’t help but be reminded of it.
      It’s like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, another band I love. I’ve been a fan since their second album. The fact that they gave their ex-heroin junkie guitar player a second chance and that it’s all worked out fills me with warm fuzzy feelings and I love the band all the more for what they did.
      If it’s a band you really love then you have to take it personal on some level because the music itself is hitting you on a personal level.

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