Top Ten Christianesque Movies

Happy Easter everyone. I had to sit through a freaking church sermon today. The church was packed. The sermon was so long that when I looked at my watch I muttered “Jesus fucking Christ” before I could think of it. Also, today I found out that the poor kid in the church I see who has some muscle spasm problem is actually the Reverend’s son. Wow. I always wonder how people who’ve been the victim of random tragedy like that can keep their faith in God. But as I’ve always said, when the major shit happens in your life you either find God or lose God.

So, since it’s Easter I’m making this top ten list of my fave Christian religion related moves. I have nothing against other religions but I’m just going to focus on this aspect for now because that’s the one I’ve had the most exposure with. Remember, this is a personal fave list and has nothing to do with popular taste. Also, I only listed movies that focus or are based in religion, not just movies that happen to have a funny church scene or something.


10. Bedazzled

Brandon Fraser sold his soul to the devil. It’s funny and it has a moral. What really gets me is that God spends a night in jail to help save a soul. Doesn’t that sound like a the kind of God you’d want to worship?

9. Hellboy

Nazi’s try to bring hell on Earth. Hellboy has helped me study all through Grad school. It’s interesting enough that I don’t change the channel, but boring enough that I don’t always pay attention. Also, I like other things about it that are not quite fit for a blog where people know who I am.

8. Leap of Faith

Bad Televangelist. Honestly, this is the first time I think I saw a movie that showed a side of religion I totally agreed with – the money hungry televangelist and the gullible crowds seeking something to alleviate the pain in their lives.

7. Evan Almighty

Modern day Noah’s Ark. My daughter’s first experience with a concept of God. I know this is technically a sequal and perhaps I should reconsider Bruce Almighty. But that part where Evan announces that he has a life plan and God laughs in his face I think says it all.

6. Seven

Seven Deadly sins. (Hey, look, it’s Morgan Freeman again). This movie is a disturbing masterpiece.

5. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

It’s the search for the Holy Grail movie. Why is it my fave of them? I don’t know, maybe it’s Sean Connery. Maybe it’s that scene where Hitler signs the book. I like it. I always liked what the holy grail looked like. It said a lot.

4. Hellraiser 2

A puzzle box that takes you to hell? The movie that never fails to scared the shit out of me even if I’m in a room full of people in the middle of the day. Even if I’m not watching it. I’ll be alone, at night, it’s dark and I have to tell myself ” whatever you do, Vin, don’t think of Pinhead….. doh!”

3. The Prophecy

War in Heaven. Christopher Walken as Gabriel, Eric Stoltz as Simon, and Viggo Mortensen as Lucifer. guh. Whenever I dream of the devil he always comes to me as Viggo Mortensen (that sounded better in my head). Oh, it’s a pretty cool movie too.

2. Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Another Holy Grail movie. I don’t even remember when religion is mentioned in this movie. Is it? It’s more Arthurian legend, but they are looking for the grail. It says so right there in the title. I’m pretty sure I remember seeing the Monty Python cartoon God at some point. So there.

1.Dogma

The last descendant of Christ along with Prophets, a Muse, and an Angel try to stop to renegade Angels from destroying creation – Kevin Smith style. It’s actually my fave Kevin Smith movie. I agree with a lot of concepts in the movie. There’s too much about this movie I love to mention so I’ll keep it short. Bartleby and Loki in Mooby Headquarters and in that garage, Salma Hayek arguing with Jason Lee, cameo appearances, Buddy Christ. Best quote: “Leave it to the Catholics to destroy existence.” Although for us Floridaians: “No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater… than central air.”

In the future I think I’m going to write a new religion and become the next Hubbard.

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