Wesley Dream-Crusher

How do you like my pun-tastic Subject Heading?

I just finished Just a Geek by Wil Wheaton, best known probably as Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation. I really enjoyed the book. It’s so raw. The guy just lays himself prostrate for everyone to see. It was a sad, sad biopic tale with some high points but mostly low points in this guy’s life. It makes me feel bad, really, for him. It’s a classic example of that saying, “the bigger they are the harder they fall”. And Wil Wheaton was pretty up there. Mr. Teen Idol. At least it seems things are going better for him now.

There’s a lot in that book I can relate with. For one thing he writes about how he felt shame at times when running into some of the other Trek cast members. Wil wasn’t doing too good professionally. I feel your pain, Wil. I couldn’t even show my face at my high school reunion. At least I have a steady job now. But if my high school reunion was tomorrow I would still be ashamed to show up. Thankfully, I have 6 more years before my next reunion.

After 3 years of job hunting I still haven’t been able to get a professional level job even though I’ve had my Masters degree for 3 1/2 years. I go to interviews (auditions) that go nowhere. I don’t get callbacks at all. I’m stuck trying to reach this professional goal (A-list actor) and no one seems to want me. I’m an excellent employee, really, just ask anyone where I work. ::sigh:: What’s wrong with me?

And at the same time, I can’t afford to support my daughter in the manner she deserves. I’m living one step up from poverty because Miami is expensive, and I can’t afford the good neighborhoods. So when Wil talks about unpaid bills and afraid of losing his house, I get it. I can’t even afford to live on my own with her.

So what does Wil Wheaton do? He stops chasing the fantasy and begins to write.. that other thing he liked doing. And I guess… and I don’t mean to sound like a bitch here… he lets go of whatever sense of entitlement he seemed to have. Yes Wil, you were a great actor, but casting directors don’t seem to care do they, and there’s nothing you can do, no matter how great you are, to make them care. (Or, in my world, I’m a great employee and have the degree necessary, but employers don’t seem to care, and there’s nothing I can do, no matter how great I think I am, to make them care).

How sad is that?

So I guess the moral of the story is that I should give up my goals, my pride, my sense of entitlement to an awesome job that will be the envy of all my co-workers here who’ve snubbed me and used me for the past three years. I should just find a job I can support my family on and ignore any snide comments of “she’s working where? I always knew she was a loser”. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll find some happiness.

Could it hurt? I’m not happy now, that’s for sure. So, I don’t know, but I’m giving it some thought. Especially now that I haven’t had a job interview since December. Still, the idea makes me sad. I really hope, for Wheaton’s sake, that I totally missed the mark on that one and it’s not the message he meant to convey at all. I was a Wheaton fan as a kid, and I hope the best for him.

But since this is the message I got from the book, this entry is called Wesley Dream-Crusher.


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