Perspective

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. ” – Ferris Beuller

So a while back ago I was lamenting not knowing fuck what to do with myself. The thing is, and I realized this as I was relaxing in the swimming pool, that I’m happier now than I’ve ever been. I spent long years miserably trying to get to this point and I am really afraid I’m going to fail and have to start all over again. That’s why, I think, for the past few months I’ve been trying to figure out if I need to look into another grad program, should I learn another language, which language, what do I do until my lease runs out, what do I need to do to make sure I don’t spend another eight years waiting for my life to start?

A talk with D made me think, oh, I should relax and just live in the moment since I’ve been at a standstill for so long. But it wasn’t until I had a seemingly innocent conversation with a co-worker that I realized, as he pointed it out to me, I am on a career path. This is a career. I enjoy doing this. I’m good at it. I could actually do this for a living and advance in the field. Perhaps it was obvious to everyone around me, but those few minutes were a humbling experience. It’s not often I’m hit over the head with something in my life I failed to realize.

I think it’s starting to sink in. This is my career. I can work at Universities and take classes I’m interested in as a hobby, as more background, for a slight bent in a particular direction, for fun. I don’t need another degree, I just need to be fantastic at what I do.

I can relax. I can write. I am here.

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