Curses Ad Hominem Smart Ass

This post contains a lot of foul language.

I always say I’m not easily offended and that’s on average true. When people insult me or try to offend me and get me angry it usually doesn’t work out for them.  The thing is, they don’t now what buttons to push. My buttons have been wired different. But this post isn’t going to go into detail about how to piss me off because it would be stupid of me to outline my weaknesses for potential enemies. Instead this post is going to outline some common insults and why they don’t offend me at all.

(All definitions in quotation marks come from the Urban Dictionary)


Bitch

At some point in time I guess people called women bitches to compare them to female dogs. Not sure why except perhaps like calling a woman a “dog” today is to say that she is ugly.  But when I’ve gotten called a bitch it’s usually means “women with a bad attitude”.  In other words, I’ve done something to piss someone off.  I’m really not offended. If I did in fact knowingly do something that angered someone then I either don’t care or am actually sorry and regretful and feel I deserve the anger.  Either way I’m not offended.

I’ve never been told to stop bitching (“whining”) or that I am someone’s bitch (“whipped” ?).

Cunt

I seem to have the opposite reaction to this word that others around me have.  It might mean “mate” in Australia . I grew up only hearing this word in regards to either another word for “vagina” in the erotica I was reading or as a worse word than bitch.  The Urban Dictionary has no definition for it aside from the ones I’ve mentioned. So when I hear it my brain translates it to “I have stood up for myself, didn’t bow down to your bullying or need to take control of what I do and now I’ve pissed you off for standing my ground.”  I’m only going to get mad if they don’t back off, not because they called me a cunt.

Pathetic

This one kind of bothers me because I don’t understand. I’m not pathetic “a person who is so stupid that you feel sorry for him.”  At least not for any of the reasons I’ve been called pathetic.  The few times this has happened it’s because I didn’t want to try or do something they wanted me to do. Usually involving something illegal.  And once by a girl who was mad I slept with her husband 4 years before she met him. Yes you read that right. If sleeping with that guy makes a girl pathetic then be both are, but she wasn’t trying to commiserate.  And if I am generally stupid then I remain blissfully unaware.

Slut

eh. I haven’t slept with that many people in my point of view. And even if I had, eh. If that made a slut then whatever I don’t care. As long as I practice safe sex and don’t go around looking for husbands with families then I don’t see how my sex life is anyone’s business. I’ve only ever been called a slut by women who were mad at me for some reason.  And that reason was not me sleeping with their man.  And if I had knowingly slept with someone’s man and that girl called me a slut then I would think “she’s right to be mad. That’s a shitty thing I did there.”

Cumbucket

Ok, this is the most offensive thing I’ve ever been called. I might have cared if it hadn’t been hurled at me by some guy who was mad I hadn’t fucked his brother. Hilarious. At the moment I was confused like “but don’t you mean the opposite?” .

Fuck You or Fuck Off

For the most part, when someone I know says this to me it just makes me sad. When it’s a stranger on the street it’s probably the closest I get to feeling offended of all the things on this list. Because I do get angry. My brain goes “well what the fuck did I do? Go fuck yourself” or if I know what I did “Yeah, yeah. Why don’t you go fuck yourself asshole.” This usually happens while I’m driving. In my defense Miami did just win Worst Driver’s in America, so it’s not just me.

Other Stuff

I’ve been called other things that aren’t really insult words just simple adjectives: cold, mean, indifferent, nerd and whatever else I don’t remember.  I’m not the nicest person in the world. If I ever get any real internet fame I imagine I’d get a slew of horrible emails and comments.  I’ve seen some of the comments people leave on other websites. I had to disable comments on my YouTube channel because of all the offensive things people were saying.  My YouTube channel is just a bunch of old restored Metallica footage, but apparently a chunk of Metallica fans are bigot misogynistic racist.  I was horrified by the comments.

For my part, I try not to sling insults at people. When I was younger I heard something to the effect of insults are a last resort for people who don’t know how to make an argument or Ad Hominem. This stuck. I haven’t earned the insult Smart Ass (“someone who is sarcastic, in a cutting yet witty manner”) for nothing. And if I’m arguing with someone and they start insulting me I will call them out and inform them they have lost the argument.  They have obviously run out of logic if they have to resort to name calling.

I think I could have made a good lawyer.  I really hate losing an argument. So Smart Ass has to be the insult I’ve been called the most often.  And when I do get out-argued I try to be diplomatic about it even if I’m mad.  I don’t want to be the person who resorts to name calling.

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