Zippers burst, buckles brake

The only thing I’m really thinking about right now is that I weighed in this morning at 130 pounds. That’s completely unacceptable. I cried. I changed into my fat clothes. I feel disgusting.

I’m not going to try to lose weight. I will lose weight. There is no try.

Goal: 115 pounds
Means: Starvation combined with light exercise.


Resolutions Start Now

So I didn’t meet most of my new years resolutions for this past year. I made 3 out of 11. Well, at least it was something right? I think my expectations were too high with a combination of my desires changed as well. Still, there were a few things on there that I really should have completed.

One of the things I failed at was the weight loss. Granted most of that has to do with the fact that I’m not overweight. It’s hard to think about losing weight when you’re not fat to begin with. That’s probably why I did lose 20 pounds two years ago. I was chunky. Now I’m not, but I still think I’d be happier if I was down to 110 which is what I weighed in high school. So that’s my new goal and that goal starts now, not in 2010. That’s 13 pounds. I can do 13 pounds.

Ok, so I’m going to check in next week and tell you all how it’s going. The first thing I’m doing this week is cutting out all the candy and fast food. I don’t care if it’s Christmas. Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. If I can make it under 120 (4 pounds) by New Years It’d be awesome.

Hardcore Dieting

My friend and I have made a bet of sorts between us as a diet inspiration. The goal is to get to our goal weight before May 22 which is the day Terminator Salvation opens. If we both make it then we’re going to go see the movie at the really upscale movie theater where you eat dinner and they serve you drinks and stuff. Cinebistro, like a restaurant instead of a concession stand. If one of us makes it and the other doesn’t… the loser has to pay for the movie tickets. If we both lose… we didn’t figure that out. I guess we’ll just see the movie at the regular movie theater.

So far (the past two days) this has really motivated me to begin dieting hardcore. To me dieting hardcore is living off of 1,000 calories a day (or less). That amount is based on my daily activities (nothing, I sit here all day) and my height. Now, I’m not fat, I know this, but I want to be thinner. Not sure if it’s a preoccupation because of where I live or not. Whatever, I know I’ll be happier if I lose weight.

Right now I am very very hungry.

Shia LaBeouf & Megan Fox

I’m so glad there’s going to be a Transformers 2. I hope it doesn’t suck.

But the point of my post is my diet which has been going well for two days now by just chanting Megan Fox’s name in my head over and over. So for more motivation I am picspaming myself with pictures of Megan Fox with my latest celebrity crush, Shia LaBeouf. I don’t usually go for younger guys, but it’s my friends fault for sharing her juicy fantasy about him with me.

more Megan Fox & Shia LaBeouf

Busy with a lot of stuff, but not busy eating


I’m bored at work and livejournal is having issues. This sucks.

Meanwhile I got a bunch of stuff on ebay I’m still waiting for delivery on including the Jason action figure, an old Metallica CD I had that I lost somewhere (i suspect I loaned it out and never got it back), and four bass tab books (all four were in one lot). My novel is back on track after I realized that my problem was I was being overly pretentious when my goal is just to write brainless fodder a person would read on an airplane. I got a bad haircut last week and I’m waiting for it to grow out. My boss just realized that I’ve been looking for another job. A fact I haven’t hid it’s just that no one in my job seems to notice what I do (not complaining). And I’m also getting ready for a trip in January to Colorado to see my best friend and maybe find a job.

I’m loads busy, but not much I want to do right now cause this chair is making my back and neck hurt. Ow.

Lastly I’m putting up a picture of Megan Fox. I’m trying to lose 15 pounds and so today as I walked by a bake sale I just chanted her name in my head and so I passed by the table, cupcake free. Mind you if I lost 15 pounds I still wouldn’t look like Megan Fox, but I’d feel better.