At the Delano with Lou Reed and This Girl

Another story of times past.

A few years ago I reconnected with an old friend from my school days.  This girl…. this girl. Sorry. Let me get through the intended story first.

She was dating another old friend of ours from back in the day who had a few connections in the movie industry. This meant one day I ended up attending an after party at the Delano Hotel in South Beach.

When I was a kid I stayed at the Delano once with my mom and her friends from Jersey. It wasn’t such a fancy hotel back then when I went. I remember a room that needed to be aired out and a couple of cockroaches  as well. (btw I never realized that was spelt cock-roach and now I can’t unsee). Anyhow, the hotel was eventually remodeled and these days the Delano is pretty ritzy. When we went in, a bouncer had to check our names at the elevator before we were let on.

I stuck to this girl through the party while her boyfriend made the rounds. At one point her and I went into the bathroom. And here’s a pet peeve of mine, the girls in the bathroom switched from English to French when we walked in. My friend looked at me and switched from English to an eastern European language she had been studying while traveling through Europe. I had learned a few phrases as well, but not enough to understand what she was saying to me. So god only knows what she was saying but I responded with things like “this is my first time here”, “It is 1 o’clock”, and “this hotel is very beautiful.”

I tried to match my tone of voice to hers. And as far as I know we got away with it because it’s a pretty obscure language all things considered. We continued on that way for the rest of the party. Lou Reed from the Velvet Underground was there. At one point we were standing next to him and he looked over really confused. So did a few other people, but hey Lou Reed noticed me so I don’t care.  I wonder if he spoke the language or understood enough to realize we made no sense.

This girl. We’re two sides of the same coin. I always felt when I was with her that we were a juxtaposition. She expressed all her emotions freely no matter how many people she may have alienated. I spent those same years mute and hanging on the words of Allan Moyle. Her eagerness to help made her fall victim to many people who took advantage of her. I don’t trust anybody. And so on, and so forth.

Sometimes I wonder if in another universe we’re together, wrapped up in each other and facing down the world side by side. But I don’t think so. The pessimist in me thinks it would’ve turned out similar to another story I’ve already told. Our entwined history filled with too many thorns to move on completely.

There was too much I wanted out of life when I was younger.  Experiences I thought I needed to have in order to say that I had lived. That isn’t a regret. I’m glad I went through them. There’s not much more I need to cross off a mental bucket list. I feel now that I am sated. Satisfied with my experiences with only a few regrets, the price of one more lesson learned, and gladly paid.

So I came to tell the story of being at a party with Lou Reed, but then I remembered this girl and I had to pause, because she’s the better story. And yes, we’re still friends even though she lives far away but we still remember each others birthdays, no Facebook notification required. But the story of us isn’t something I think I can accurately put into words. I loved her and I still love her.  Our friendship now reminiscent of high school as she rages against the machine all over Facebook and I silently Like all her posts.

And when you’re dancing and laughing and finally living, hear my voice in your head and think of me kindly


How to Attract Men – actually, how to sabotage yourself if you have a crush

I don’t know.

No, I’m sorry. I was talking to someone and mentioning my blog post How to Repel Men and so then she asks, “ok, well how do you attract men?” And so I laughed and admitted defeat.

Historically if I was attracted to a guy there was a series of things I would do.  None of these things was a potential way to attract this person, it was a list of things I would do to try and ensure that this guy never found out I was interested in him.   I’m not sure if that sounds crazy or not.  In my head it makes perfect sense.

I didn’t want to be in the vulnerable position of being interested in a guy in anything more of the “you are attractive, anyone can see that, doesn’t mean I care” vibe going.  And there are genuine instances of that.  I might know someone who is really good looking, but I don’t care because they might not be my type or I’ve gotten to know them and all attraction is gone.  But yes, sometimes I might have some big crush on a guy and while most people might be wondering how to get their attention I was busy making sure they didn’t know I existed.

So let me go through the steps here.

How to Play it Cool

My Sharona

Story time! The other day I was showing my daughter how I plan to cut my hair when I’ve passed 50.  So I pulled up a photo of Winona Ryder in the movie Reality Bites.  Back in high school this movie was such a huge part of my life that I cringe now whenever I think of it. I refuse to watch it anymore. I see Winona’s character and I think back to the choices I made in life knowing, knowing full well, that they were the wrong ones. Ladies, take my advice, Troy Dyer will mess up your life.

Anyway, there were some happy memories there. and I’ll start with The My Sharona scene in the movie.

My friend Y and I would do this everyday at lunch.  Whoever started go to be Janeane Garafalo, and without music, we’d just do the dance to the stares of our friends. We did this for months, perhaps even the whole school year.  It was fantastic.

My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharona…

I Should Have Been in a Band

I’ve been watching That Thing You Do lately.  I showed it to my daughter who of course fell in love with all the catchy songs and keeps playing the movie.  So there’s this moment when Ethan Embry’s character is dancing across the stage happily playing the bass, and I thought “That. Right There. That is What I Always Wanted.”

I realized, finally, that all these years that I lamented wishing how I had an artist community I belonged to like back in college as an artist… all the years where people ask me about being single and me not being able to express that what I really want is a partner and my best example is Matt Stone and Trey Parker… all the times I think back wistfully to my large group of friends from my early twenties. That’s a band.

I understand that not everyone gets along, I wrote a whole blog commending those bands that have managed to make it together despite all adversity and diversity between them. But I’m just floored emotionally when I try to image what it must be like to be Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers or  fucking Aerosmith.  Thats a life time of love, hate, trials and tribulations, sickness and health.

How wonderful must it be to be at the top of your game, tripping on a natural high and look over at your friends beside you, in it with you, supporting you. And yes, I’m aware that movie is about a one hit wonder band that then promptly broke up. The blog’s not really about the movie, just the awareness it gave me.

I should have joined a band. You know, if I could play an instrument.

it looks silly, but it gave me an epiphany