At the Delano with Lou Reed and This Girl

Another story of times past.

A few years ago I reconnected with an old friend from my school days.  This girl…. this girl. Sorry. Let me get through the intended story first.

She was dating another old friend of ours from back in the day who had a few connections in the movie industry. This meant one day I ended up attending an after party at the Delano Hotel in South Beach.

When I was a kid I stayed at the Delano once with my mom and her friends from Jersey. It wasn’t such a fancy hotel back then when I went. I remember a room that needed to be aired out and a couple of cockroaches  as well. (btw I never realized that was spelt cock-roach and now I can’t unsee). Anyhow, the hotel was eventually remodeled and these days the Delano is pretty ritzy. When we went in, a bouncer had to check our names at the elevator before we were let on.

I stuck to this girl through the party while her boyfriend made the rounds. At one point her and I went into the bathroom. And here’s a pet peeve of mine, the girls in the bathroom switched from English to French when we walked in. My friend looked at me and switched from English to an eastern European language she had been studying while traveling through Europe. I had learned a few phrases as well, but not enough to understand what she was saying to me. So god only knows what she was saying but I responded with things like “this is my first time here”, “It is 1 o’clock”, and “this hotel is very beautiful.”

I tried to match my tone of voice to hers. And as far as I know we got away with it because it’s a pretty obscure language all things considered. We continued on that way for the rest of the party. Lou Reed from the Velvet Underground was there. At one point we were standing next to him and he looked over really confused. So did a few other people, but hey Lou Reed noticed me so I don’t care.  I wonder if he spoke the language or understood enough to realize we made no sense.

This girl. We’re two sides of the same coin. I always felt when I was with her that we were a juxtaposition. She expressed all her emotions freely no matter how many people she may have alienated. I spent those same years mute and hanging on the words of Allan Moyle. Her eagerness to help made her fall victim to many people who took advantage of her. I don’t trust anybody. And so on, and so forth.

Sometimes I wonder if in another universe we’re together, wrapped up in each other and facing down the world side by side. But I don’t think so. The pessimist in me thinks it would’ve turned out similar to another story I’ve already told. Our entwined history filled with too many thorns to move on completely.

There was too much I wanted out of life when I was younger.  Experiences I thought I needed to have in order to say that I had lived. That isn’t a regret. I’m glad I went through them. There’s not much more I need to cross off a mental bucket list. I feel now that I am sated. Satisfied with my experiences with only a few regrets, the price of one more lesson learned, and gladly paid.

So I came to tell the story of being at a party with Lou Reed, but then I remembered this girl and I had to pause, because she’s the better story. And yes, we’re still friends even though she lives far away but we still remember each others birthdays, no Facebook notification required. But the story of us isn’t something I think I can accurately put into words. I loved her and I still love her.  Our friendship now reminiscent of high school as she rages against the machine all over Facebook and I silently Like all her posts.

And when you’re dancing and laughing and finally living, hear my voice in your head and think of me kindly


One Wedding and One Funeral

Jim Obergefell and John Arthur:

It’s been an eventful past two weeks for me. One of my uncle’s died and then two weeks later one of my best friends got married. I waited until after the wedding to post all this because I thought I would be feeling introspective, but I wasn’t.  I was more affected by the vacation time from work.

My uncle is not really related to me by blood. It’s one of those found family situations and he was one of my mother’s best friends. I had almost all my childhood birthday parties at his house.  But a few years ago he got sick and pretty much all parties ended as he deteriorated through the years. The sanctions for gay marriage being legal here in Florida came too late. He wasn’t able to leave the house by then, and by the time gay marriage was made legal everywhere, he had already died. He’d been with his partner for about 35 years.

In contrast the wedding I attended was between a straight couple who’d known each other a few years, not sure how much.  They’d only been dating a few months and had a quickie wedding at the courthouse with little fanfare. She’s a bit down to earth and wanted the Sex and the City wedding. In her short white dress and blue shoes, we went to a diner afterwards and wished them the best.

There’s one thing I’ve noticed since I was old enough to notice is that this whole time, if you asked a same-sex couple how long they’d been together they responded the total time they’d been together. But with straight married couples you’d often only get the answer of how many years they’d been married. As if the clock reset somehow. Shouldn’t they be taking some credit for all those other years they were together? I guess they could give the longer answer of together 11, married 4. Or 4 years, but 7 dating, so a total of 11. What about 4 years, 1 engaged and 6 dating.  If you were dating someone for 5 years and split, and then married someone after dating two years, married 3 and then divorced, so both relationship are five years. Aren’t they both equally valid?

My existential dilemna came during my forced vacation between these two events. If I’m not working I don’t really seem to know what to do with myself. I had all the time to do so many things and end up mostly giving myself a headache from constantly laying down and trying to balance an ipad while surfing through tumblr. All the projects I wanted to start were left waiting and every day that passed I felt progressively more awful for not being more productive. It took a few days before I found something to do (watch Jurrasic World, attend SuperCon).

Today is a new day off for the holiday after having been back to work finally. I have already started one project. Two if you count this blog post. I’m going to order pizza, watch a movie with my kid, and hopefully have a nice day.

So what did I learn from the wedding and the funeral?  That the SCOTUS decision last week is going to be so helpful for couples like my uncle and his partner. I didn’t just mourn him, it was also the death of a great loving relationship that will still now have to jump through some legal hoops as all affairs come to order.

And maybe because of seeing my uncle’s partner mourn, I learned that for all my cynicism, and I still think it’s a long shot in hell of me ever getting married, but if I do, then I don’t want a courthouse wedding. I don’t mean this in offense to the newly married couple, as they are both lawyers then court might of just been the perfect setting. And I guess that’s the thing, it wouldn’t be the perfect setting for me. And the fact that I even allowed myself to delve into the fantasy of a perfect wedding location is weird for me.  FYI, it’d be Kennedy Space Center.

How to Attract Men – actually, how to sabotage yourself if you have a crush

I don’t know.

No, I’m sorry. I was talking to someone and mentioning my blog post How to Repel Men and so then she asks, “ok, well how do you attract men?” And so I laughed and admitted defeat.

Historically if I was attracted to a guy there was a series of things I would do.  None of these things was a potential way to attract this person, it was a list of things I would do to try and ensure that this guy never found out I was interested in him.   I’m not sure if that sounds crazy or not.  In my head it makes perfect sense.

I didn’t want to be in the vulnerable position of being interested in a guy in anything more of the “you are attractive, anyone can see that, doesn’t mean I care” vibe going.  And there are genuine instances of that.  I might know someone who is really good looking, but I don’t care because they might not be my type or I’ve gotten to know them and all attraction is gone.  But yes, sometimes I might have some big crush on a guy and while most people might be wondering how to get their attention I was busy making sure they didn’t know I existed.

So let me go through the steps here.

How to Play it Cool

How to Repel Men

A Valentine’s Day tribute post.

This is actually something I’m good at… repelling men. I’ve been honing my skills since high school.  What I mean to say is, this is something I’ve been doing on purpose for years.  It’s not as strange as it sounds.  Lots of women have their own techniques for getting rid of unwanted men in their lives. But sometimes when I comment on some of my techniques people ask for examples.

So here’s my guide to repelling men in order of chronological remembrance. In other words…. it all started in high school.

NOTE: And I can’t stress this enough. It doesn’t matter if what you are saying is true. You are just trying to get rid of this guy.

I could write a book, but I’ll keep it short

Cereal Monogamy

I was reading this article from the New York Times this past Wednesday.

I want to bring a little perspective on the old cereal – monogamy example. We’ve all heard the argument against monogamy where a man will say something like “who wants to eat the same cereal everyday?” Which usually makes me think, “well, I know I don’t want to eat the same cereal everyday.” But this week I was giving more thought to this analogy and realized the flaws in it.

First off, I don’t eat cereal everyday. Sometimes I’ll snack on K cereal as part of my diet, but that’s where my cereal eating ends. So the idea of having to eat cereal everyday for the rest of my life is nauseating. I’m going to equate this idea to marrying someone I don’t really like but maybe he’d be good for my health or maybe he was on sale. Not a good reason to make a commitment.

A better Analogy, though creepy