Dead Idols and Broken Dreams

At it’s core, this post is about money.

I love David Bowie. I don’t know if I’ve ever talked about David Bowie without saying “I love David Bowie” at some point in the conversation. And yeah, I also thought it sucked that Alan Rickman died. It’s been a sucky week and I think a lot of people were waiting for another let down.

I wasn’t. So it came as a shock to me when I received a HUGE let down. Turns out I don’t follow enough celebrity gossip columns because last December an actor that was pretty important to me died. Brooke McCarter, probably best known, and most important to me for playing Paul in my fave movie of all time, The Lost Boys.


Now, he’s not the first to go. Berhard Hughes died in 2006, Haim died in 2010, and Edward Hermann died in 2014. But this one hits worse for me because of that fucking Lost Boys poster that is still framed on my wall by my dining table and now signed by Corey Feldman. Because getting that poster signed by everyone in it, all the vampires, was like #1 on my unofficial bucket list. Aside from all the things I want for my life, my career, my health and my child… the way some people always dream of going to Paris… that was me and that fucking Lost Boys poster. And now Brooke McCarter has died in Tampa, FL. My own backyard.

And you know why the first line of this post is about money? Maybe you guessed. It’s because money could have gotten me that signature years ago.I couldn’t afford to go to the Lost Boys reunion Cons, or fly out to where one or two of them might be. And now it’s over.

I couldn’t afford to go to a Con in New Orleans this weekend with my daughter so she could meet her own idol, Jeremy Renner. I didn’t even mention it because why put her through that? I can’t afford to take her to a Con in Philadelphia to meet Christopher Lloyd and Michael J Fox. And that’s just the worst examples.

After having to sell my Faith No More ticket and thereby probably selling my only chance to ever see Faith No More live, I thought 2015 was just a long series of suck. I thought I’d left it behind me with the new year, but 2015 managed a whole new way to fuck me again. And this is a let down that’s going to follow me for years.

And now that I’ve finished my rant. My apologies to Brooke McCarter’s family for ranting in the first place. They’re the ones who lost a family member 3 days before Christmas. My sincerest condolences to all of you.



Pointless post because I’m not changing anything about my life

I’m on vacation.  The rest of this blog post is a rant of epic proportions. Best skip it.

.. and then decided to do nothing about it and accept my fate

Seriously, there’s nothing fun or insightful under this cut, just me blowing off steam.

Not everyone is Beautiful

I get really annoyed when I see posts on tumblr or anywhere really saying “you are beautiful”. Those comments are not directed towards me, they are directed to everyone. As in everyone is beautiful. You are beautiful because you just happened to read my post. No, everyone is not beautiful and finding your post on twitter does not make me beautiful within or without.

I’m not sure how I would define beauty. As far as a person goes I could start with outward appearances. Jude Law is very attractive, what he did to his wife less so. But again, these are opinions. There’s no definitive proof of beauty. It’s in the eye of the beholder. That I believe. And I mean that as far as actions as well. There are actions some may commend while others wouldn’t.

But I’m not perfect. I’ll never be a perfect 10 in physical beauty by any standards anywhere. That’s fine. As far as physical aspects go I didn’t get a raw deal just because I don’t look like a Miss Universe contestant. And I’m not perfect on the inside either. I have dark ugly thoughts sometimes. I strive to be better than I am. I’m not just going to stamp myself “beautiful” just to feel good.

Those people who make those posts. They don’t know their audience. Maybe their audience is not beautiful. I am not beautiful, that’s not any word I would need to use to describe myself in order to feel good. I like Strong. I’d rather be strong. I strive to be strong. Come hell or high water, I am here.

Because when everyone is Beautiful, no one is.

and one extra note

Mom who supports DC and Marvel Gay Characters

I don’t want to make my blog all about one topic. Having said that, I’m going to bitch and moan about two things that really bother me. One, being people against gay rights. Two, being how despite the massive amounts of girl geeks out there, geekdom is still skewed so heavily towards males. So, I found a few things today that brought out my issues.

I love going to Tate’s Comics. I drive 40 minutes, past closer comic stores, because I feel real comfortable there and it’s truly a great comic book store.  I’m sure the majority of their customers must be male.  I’ve met several hanger on girlfriends in the store who ask me, surprised, how come I’m such a comic book fan. I’m not sure why they seem surprised to see me, there are plenty of women at Tate’s gushing over merchandise. Anyway, so I’m on their newsletter and see they are having a Father’s Day event. You might know where this is going.  Did I miss the Mother’s Day event? Sigh. I would’ve liked a 20% discount. I love Tate’s though, I’m not even that mad, more disappointed.

So I thought, maybe there’s a league, or blog or something where us nerd mom’s can come together in our apparently minority status. This led me to my second topic. I google “mom’s who read comics” and number one hit is One Million Moms Condemns DC Comics And Marvel Superheroes For Gay Characters. Sigh. That’s the opposite of what I wanted. I knew there’d be backlash when X-men has an issue with a gay marriage.  I’m both mad and disappointed.

I want to bring up this quote from the article: “Children mimic superhero actions and even dress up in costumes to resemble these characters as much as possible. Can you imagine little boys saying, ‘I want a boyfriend or husband like X-Men?”  I want to bring it up because I want to say that that’s the stupidest fucking thing to worry about ever.  Even if any kid in the history of the world says that, it doesn’t even mean they are gay or bi-curious.  They’re probably just thinking they’d rather spend the rest of their lives with their best friend than an annoying girl.  There’s an age that boys think girls are stupid. I feel like an idiot for even having to make that point.  Listen, your kids are going to figure out their sexuality on their own and the X-men will have little to do with it.  Your kids will hit puberty and either fantasize about Emma Frost’s breasts, Wolverine’s package, or best of both worlds Mystique.

So, perhaps I’ll go down to Tate’s this Father’s Day and buy X-Men.  I’ll get my daughter a new Tiny Titan’s graphic novel she loves. It’s Father’s Day, and she can’t spend it with her father anyway, he’ll be with his new family.  Might as well buy her something pretty.

and something pretty for me as well.

It’s a Men’s Avengers T-Shirt World

As can be seen above, there was no female interest at the Avengers movie premiere. Unless you count all those girls.

When I was in high school, before the massive outbreak of internet users and a world of seemingly endless possibilities, I was a petite young girl.  Today I’m still petite and yet in the world of the internet and seemingly endless possibilities, I sometimes reach a limit. I’m actually talking about t-shirts. T-shirts for my fave bands only ever came in men’s sizes. Well, perhaps Unisex, but to me that’s the same thing as being a men’s size. It’s a large shapeless piece of cloth that makes me look like I’m wearing my (hypothetical) dad’s Led Zeppelin shirt.  The same thing happens if for some reason I find a boy’s size. It’s just a shorter boxy shirt.  I suppose I could have bought a shirt and tailored it – if I knew how to sew.

So today, even with the advent of the widespread internet, finding an officially licensed, not bootleg, shirts for my fave nerd themes is almost as difficult.  Why is it I can only find two shirts for THOR? One with cover art (eh, it’s okay) and one with his comic self making out with Sif?  Is it cause I’m a girl so obviously I want a t-shirt with kissing?

This all started when I was trying to find an Avengers shirt for the Avengers movie next week.  What I really wanted was something with Loki on it, but as a girl nerd I wasn’t holding out too much hope.  I go to Marvel’s website and when I finally find the women’s shirts, of which there are 4, the first thing I see is a shirt that says “I fight in heels” written in glitter pink.  If you’re not insulted, the second was “I only date Super Heroes.” Why Marvel, why?

Disney Store only sells Avenger shirts for boys or men, Walmart only has men’s, Hot topic only has men’s… and so on.

I didn’t expect to find a shirt, but I also didn’t expect to feel insulted